[He huffs, reaching up to pat the top of his head. Pat, pat, pat. Three times.]
I don't know why, but I have the feeling I'm not someone who exists for long. That is, my lack of skills, my amnesia...it all adds up to someone who is only good for a short time. [A shake of the head.] I have to exist like a mayfly. And I have to get the most out of people before I go. And I rather would like if I...made a good impression. Of course, I'm ready to be the one to blame and destroy, if it helps everyone else, but...
[A sigh.]
Basically, it means more to me if...I knew that what I do would be good to you in the long run. Perhaps you'll never like me, which is fine. But at least, to be someone to trust...I'd die with a smile on my face.
[ Is he comforting himself with those pats on the head? She's not sure how she feels about this. Maybe she should just leave?
She considers that for a moment. ]
Your actions are quite contradictory, you know. We all are, in our own way, but what kind of smile do you want to have on your face? You did when we found you on the rocks on the island.
[ She shakes her head. ]
You also seem to try to make sure you don't exist for a long time. I didn't miss the things you said and indicated to me, about the kind of retribution you hoped from me.
[ Breaking promises is the worst impression. She's never going to let that go. ]
I'm a man broken into pieces, Shinobu. Of course I'm contradictory. There are things about myself I may never learn. All of you have your pasts and your webs of connection, you know. I'm almost jealous.
[is shoulders raise at her last set of statements, his tone amused.]
Haha, maybe I just get a little starstruck when I see people like you? [That's a lame attempt at a joke, and he knows it, his smile twisting up into a wry smirk.] Ah, but I just have something hanging over my head, if I have to explain it. It makes it very hard to think. So, despite my common sense, I get desperate to get rid of it.
Even if you're broken, you aren't devoid of your choices. You still have a sense of morals.
[ If he can say that a broken promise shouldn't be taken lightly, he knows wrong from right. She would be fifty times more sympathetic, if he hadn't done the second worst thing anyone could ever do to her.
There aren't many people she knows that haven't been touched by some kind of trauma, that haven't been broken in some way, and still, they know better, and even if they don't, they still do better. ]
[He can't argue with that. it's hardly like no memory excuses not being able to know that he's doing something terrible, something that will bring consequences on his head. And yet he does it, regardless.]
[He tilts his head, considering her for a moment, before he fingerguns in her direction, his hands moving up and down with the gesture. Three times exactly.]
I think you're smart enough to guess. Think of the crime scene where I died, like a brilliant detective! The clues are all there!
[ His fingerguns will cease to have any meaning because of how many times he does them.
What she knows is he likes the number three. That's easy enough to figure out. What she thinks is that he's suicidal or at least wants death to claim him. What's true is he broke a promise to her and made her care for him plummet. ]
I am not a detective, and I do not care enough to guess. If you choose not to tell, that's your right. I will not prod or pry.
[A flicker of disappointment, but he expected it. There's no judgement, here.]
Ah, that's your choice. I won't push you, either.
[To look at a jigsaw puzzle of a man and even attempt to put him back together is something difficult, he knows. He probably wouldn't even bother, too, in her position.]
But I'll give you one hint, because I like you. [He puts his hands down at his sides, smirking to himself.] Saying I'm a "brilliant detective" isn't me trying to prop myself up or crow about my abilities. As far as I recall...it was a title given to me. You can't just wake up and decide to be a brilliant detective. You have no choice in the matter.
Ahahaha. It would be really nice if that were the case!
[He smirks to himself - wouldn't it be wonderful, if wishes were horses, and beggars would ride...? If dreams were mysteries, and detectives danced under their own will on God's Stage?]
Anyways, I'll be around, Shinobu. [And he bows his head.] Let's see where we go from here, hm?
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[ She can trust someone without liking them. She can forgive someone but not trust them. ]
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[And that strange sad look passes over his face, like the one he had before, lying on the floor after Shinobu kicked him.]
Shinobu, this is a bit of a strange question, but...do you know what a mayfly is?
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Yes. Are you going to liken yourself to one?
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[He huffs, reaching up to pat the top of his head. Pat, pat, pat. Three times.]
I don't know why, but I have the feeling I'm not someone who exists for long. That is, my lack of skills, my amnesia...it all adds up to someone who is only good for a short time. [A shake of the head.] I have to exist like a mayfly. And I have to get the most out of people before I go. And I rather would like if I...made a good impression. Of course, I'm ready to be the one to blame and destroy, if it helps everyone else, but...
[A sigh.]
Basically, it means more to me if...I knew that what I do would be good to you in the long run. Perhaps you'll never like me, which is fine. But at least, to be someone to trust...I'd die with a smile on my face.
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She considers that for a moment. ]
Your actions are quite contradictory, you know. We all are, in our own way, but what kind of smile do you want to have on your face? You did when we found you on the rocks on the island.
[ She shakes her head. ]
You also seem to try to make sure you don't exist for a long time. I didn't miss the things you said and indicated to me, about the kind of retribution you hoped from me.
[ Breaking promises is the worst impression. She's never going to let that go. ]
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[is shoulders raise at her last set of statements, his tone amused.]
Haha, maybe I just get a little starstruck when I see people like you? [That's a lame attempt at a joke, and he knows it, his smile twisting up into a wry smirk.] Ah, but I just have something hanging over my head, if I have to explain it. It makes it very hard to think. So, despite my common sense, I get desperate to get rid of it.
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[ If he can say that a broken promise shouldn't be taken lightly, he knows wrong from right. She would be fifty times more sympathetic, if he hadn't done the second worst thing anyone could ever do to her.
There aren't many people she knows that haven't been touched by some kind of trauma, that haven't been broken in some way, and still, they know better, and even if they don't, they still do better. ]
What is it that makes you want to escape?
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[He can't argue with that. it's hardly like no memory excuses not being able to know that he's doing something terrible, something that will bring consequences on his head. And yet he does it, regardless.]
[He tilts his head, considering her for a moment, before he fingerguns in her direction, his hands moving up and down with the gesture. Three times exactly.]
I think you're smart enough to guess. Think of the crime scene where I died, like a brilliant detective! The clues are all there!
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What she knows is he likes the number three. That's easy enough to figure out. What she thinks is that he's suicidal or at least wants death to claim him. What's true is he broke a promise to her and made her care for him plummet. ]
I am not a detective, and I do not care enough to guess. If you choose not to tell, that's your right. I will not prod or pry.
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Ah, that's your choice. I won't push you, either.
[To look at a jigsaw puzzle of a man and even attempt to put him back together is something difficult, he knows. He probably wouldn't even bother, too, in her position.]
But I'll give you one hint, because I like you. [He puts his hands down at his sides, smirking to himself.] Saying I'm a "brilliant detective" isn't me trying to prop myself up or crow about my abilities. As far as I recall...it was a title given to me. You can't just wake up and decide to be a brilliant detective. You have no choice in the matter.
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It's not that she wouldn't look at a jigsaw puzzle of a man. She would. If she cared more, she'd make much more of an effort. ]
You feel as if you don't have a choice.
[ She knows she's paring it all down. ]
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[He smirks to himself - wouldn't it be wonderful, if wishes were horses, and beggars would ride...? If dreams were mysteries, and detectives danced under their own will on God's Stage?]
Anyways, I'll be around, Shinobu. [And he bows his head.] Let's see where we go from here, hm?
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[ That's still one of her greatest wishes for others. ]
Goodbye, Anaido-san.